Giving Thanks

[AnnieB]

Where to start?     I came here to find help and/or comfort for my situation with my first DIL.  I am very thankful to luise for starting this forum, and for the light and love she offers.   This has been very helpful to me.

The situation with my first DIL hasn't (yet) changed -- but because of the upset and problems that came out of that, I have been able to better see several things -- that my DILs see me differently than I see them;  that there are flaws in me that need work; that I need to be forgiving of the flaws in others that need work; that I cannot control how others relate to me; that others don't have to like me and I don't have to like them, but we can still love one another; that I love my sons unconditionally even through the pain; and more and more and more.  Most important, that life continues to be a process in which we learn and change (as do our DIL's)

I am more thankful of my 2nd DIL and my son than I would have been without this experience.  One thing I need to watch very carefully is NOT to let the experience with my 1st DIL be a negative that I use to harm my relationship with others.     It is easy for me to get caught up in the dark and hurt and cast that light onto others who don't deserve it.

Thank you luise and others for sharing hope here.    I am looking forward to my Thanksgiving with my DIL, son, grandson, youngest son, mother, my DIL's mother, father and sister.   Whatever contact there is (or isn't) with first DIL, son and grandson will be what it is. 

[Pen]

This site is helping me as well. I, too, believe we can only change ourselves; we have no control over anyone else. Forgiveness is really hard for me, though, so that's what I have to constantly work on. Another problem is bitterness. Someone once said "Bitterness is like a poison pill we take, hoping to harm the other person." I find myself repeating that like a mantra.

I'll be giving thanks for a wonderfully supportive DH, my sweet and courageous DDD, my amazing DS and the happiness he's found with DIL, as well as my friends and the many blessings we share.

Happy Thanksgiving!

[keepnsane]

My sister in law (who has since passed away) rejected my parents.  It caused so much heartache.  This nonsense went on for 10 years.  My mom secretly got updates on the grandchildren from someone at church, but that was all she ever knew of her grandchildren from that day forward.
One day my brother just called out of the clear blue sky.  He acted like nothing ever happened, and she somehow just was so grateful that she acted the same.
My father was ready to rip into him, but mom waved him off.  She had a few years before she died of having him back in her life.  I know it is still sad, but at least this happened.  It was a pure miracle.
I guess they had 1 son who grew up remembering my parents and reasoned with my brother that his parents were not going to live forever.   Also, my brother had some close calls and realized life was too short for this.
I have a good relationship with my brother now, but I never bring it up.   
I searched you out today because I now have problems with my own kids who are grown/almost grown.  My daughter was pre-engaged to a guy who really seemed to love me at first, but recently really can't stand me.  They recently broke up.   It is sad to see their relationship end & I had really bonded to him but right now I just feel I have dodged a bullet.  My love to all of you who are going through this.  My prayers are with you and your families.

[Pen]

Welcome, Keepnsane. Your story really touched me. Please stay and add to our wisdom. Best wishes! And yes, it does sound as though you dodged a bullet.

[Hope]

So glad to have you here, Keepnsane.  I look foward to seeing more from you.
Hugs, Hope