What is it like to have step grandchildren

[justrealize]

I'm a divorced mother of 3. Aim not remarried and not currently looking. Guess I'm scared that my kids will be alienated if I were to remarry. So Mother in laws with step grandchildren can you give me your input on what to expect and  so on a so forth. Thanks

[2chickiebaby]

I have never been divorced and don't have step-children but I do hope that you don't put off your own life and any happiness you could have for you kids.  I hope I'm not off base here but I've seen too many situations where women are left with kids who are off doing their own things leaving them lonely. 

[AnnieB]

I'm also a divorced Mother with 3 sons.  I've been remarried, but too young at the time to have stepgrandchildren by marriage, let alone stepchildren.

Are you asking about having stepgrandchildren through marriage to a new husband? 

or stepgrandchildren through your children's remarriage to someone who had children?

I have a stepgrandchild, though I call him my grandson.  He's 9 but I've only known him for 2 years though it feels like always.   Our relationship is still growing - his mother (my son's wife) has made the door open, but she's like that -- she tries to include everyone and has a positive attitude toward his father's family, my son's father and family and my family.  I would like to be more involved with him but I'm aware that he has a very busy life - and a lot of people and his own little life.  So I am appreciative of the time I have with him and am trying to find things we have in common, and to make sure I'm not seen as competing with the grandparents who have known him since birth.  But I consider him my grandson, that's how I introduce him to people.

I would think a lot of this would depend on the attitude of the children's parents, their relationship with their parent's new spouse, the absence or presence of other grandparents and their health and willingness to share the child, as well as the new stepgrandparent's wish to be involved in the life of the grandchildren.  And of course the feeling of the grandchildren, too.  A lot probably depends on their need for grandparents, the chemistry, their age, etc.

I don't think it is simple. 

[JaneF]

I know this subject has not been posted on in a while, but I felt like adding my thoughts anyway! I have "step GC" as well. One GD since her birth over 3 years ago...and most recently my DD is in a relationship with a man who has 3 kids. They call me Grandma, and I treat them like my own grandkids. My oldest son has a fiance with 3 kids, who I get to meet on Thanksgiving Day! If it's okay with the mother I will include them in my grandchild family! I can't do for some of the kids at holidays, and see sad faces on other kids because they are treated differently! I want them all to feel included and loved. My sons fiance has a DD who is a teenager, and I have already found a handcrafted one of a kind necklace for her Christmas gift! It is lovely and I hope she likes it. My DD's boyfriend also has a teenage DD...I picked one of these one of a kind necklaces for her from the same craftsman. Not extravagant, but they are lovely pieces of art, and will be given lovingly!!! I am kind of unsure what to get the male kids of these folks though...any suggestions? lol I guess age variations make a difference first of all, and I always ask permission from parents on gifts like a game or movie etc. Maybe a movie would be a good gift for the boys??? Age appropriate for them all of course! I love being grandma, whether it's "real" or "step granchild", they are all going to be referred to as my grandkids! Children are a blessing, and the more people that love them, the better off they are I feel! My sweet hubby did a wonderful surprise birthday bash for me in August and made grandkids 100 foot slip and slide to enjoy, cooked a ton of great food, had pool fun too. The kids had a ball. I may not be allowed to see some of GC for a while due to "issues", but I love them none the less. I will try to see them for holidays of course, but that's all I can do!!! Peace to all, and step grandparenting is a joy just the same as "regular" grandparenting in my opinion! 

[stilltrying2010]

Are you asking how you will feel if your kids become someone else's step grandchildren?  It depends on who the GM is - luck of the draw I guess.  I am a step gc - my mom remarried when I was 5 & sister 7.   My step grandparents did EXACTLY for me as they did all the "real" gc.  Same gifts, cards, took us for a wk in the summer.  My gps (now in their mid 80s) & I still talk onthe phone probably 5 times a year, we send a lot of letters, cards & pictures inthe mail.  Every time we talk they same how much they appreciate my making the effort & that of all the gc I am the one that keeps up with them the most.  They acknowledge my DDs bday and every other holiday with a card & a $1 bill   Because of my step gma I know how wto make the angel wings on the top sheet to tuck it in, baked beans, broccoli casserole, strawberry jam, homemade apple pie...

I couldnt love them more.  nor feel any more love/attention/acceptance from them.
It is possible to have a happy ending with a loving family.  Best wishes to you.   

[Pen]

What great stories, JF & ST2020. It's very important for step grandparents to open their hearts, I think. It's not the children's fault that they are SGC, and it's so sad when they miss out on having loving GP. My kids haven't had the GP experience and it breaks my heart to see them as adults trying to make the best of it. DS reveres my DF who hasn't been very attentive to my kids but dotes and fawns all over my SM's kids and GC.

JF, I commend you for your GP style!