Thanks to you

[seasage]

DS called on Sunday afternoon.  We spoke for almost an hour.  The big change I see is that he is more relaxed about the non-relationship between us and DIL, and he is more relaxed talking about his trips with his very, very rich in-laws.  DIL’s mother is dripping in money.  She flies around in private jets and sends them to pick up her relatives and drop them off at her vacation homes to keep her company.  DS and DIL do this at least twice a year.  DS used to keep these trips secret.  But I know there has been a full fathom five sea change in him lately, because he told me about the last trip before it happened, and talked about the plane today. 

Ladies, I am absolutely sure this is all happening because of you.  Thanks to you I have stopped crying about the fact that DIL doesn’t like us and won’t accept us in her home.  Thanks to you I have stopped sending her gifts, cards and email messages trying to make things better.  Thanks to you I have accepted the possibility that I may never ever see her again.  (This actually makes me glad now.  Boundaries! --- as the DILs here continually emphasize.)  Thanks to you I know that I should never ask DS about DIL – and so I don’t. 

I am completely satisfied because my relationship with DS is alive and well.  He calls occasionally.  And he tries to slip in a day or two a year to see us as he is flying around the country on business trips.

Thanks everyone.

[luise.volta]

What a remarkable recovery and healing. We love you and love hearing that we have contributed since that's what this site is about...but...you did the work. Don't forget that for a minute! Sending love..

[holliberri]

Seasage...that is very nice for me to see. Acceptance. (Tara--maybe we should ask Seasage what acceptance looks/feels like to her!  )

[Tara]

Seasage, sweet!   I'm happy for you.

Holli, yes, I agree maybe Seasage you can tell us more about acceptance and how you got there
also, how did you decide not to ask about dil?

Joy for you

Tara

[Pen]

Seasage, that's wonderful...you sound at peace and happy. Acceptance...yes, wise woman, please tell us!

[Nana]

Seasage.  I feel so happy for you.  Acceptance is a long word and a long journey to get to it.  You are there now.  You now know you have your son back...

On the other hand...I am so sad....how can people corner you because you dont have as much money as them....  The best treasure that we might have is what we carry in our hearts.
When we die, we will not take a cent....we will all be the same. 

May God reward your good heart

Love

[forever spring]

  Inner peace will make everything fall into place, but it is a long, arduous journey to achieve it. You are a model for all of us Seasage. Thanks for sharing.

[Pooh]

Great news seasage.  Glad you got to have that hour long time with DS.

[seasage]

Spoke too soon.  I was feeling relaxed and happy.  All my children were gathered about me.  With children in place, I could accept anything DIL threw my way.

This morning I was thrown for a loop.  Youngest DD decided to tell me off.  The email was so stinging I immediately sent it to the trash.  Yesterday, she had asked for advice.  Our first few email exchanges were fruitful.  Then, this AM, I found a kiss-off message on my computer.  I trashed it.  Don't want to read it a second time.  It doesn't deserve an answer.

Warning to self:  don't get too complacent!

[luise.volta]

I am so sorry. You did the right thing by not "going there" and "coming here," instead. We love you dearly! And we know all-too-well, what you are going through.

[holliberri]

Seasage,

I am sorry to hear that. I hope your dd gets settled down and everything works out. In the meantime, we are here if you need to talk.

[Rose799]

I'm sorry Seasage.  The other shoe always seems to drop when we least expect it.  Personally, I think you're pretty awesome! 

[Pooh]

Hang in there seasage.  We are sending huge hugs your way.

[seasage]

Oh it is soooooo good to have friends like you!  YDD was complaining about her latest boyfriend.   I did advise her to not answer his email messages for a few days.  Told her that perhaps a little mystery and unavailability would help. 

To my credit, I did not disparage him.  And I did not say to her what I said a few days ago in another thread, i.e. "might as well send him my email because I have a few things to say to him also"!!

So now I will take my own advice and not answer her email. 

[luise.volta]

...and remember...NONE of this is about you! Sending love...