I want my Dad back

[Anna]

As I watch him struggle to feed himself, I find tears streaming down my face.  Who is this old, frail man?  My father, no, that’s not him.  My father is tall, & strong, handsome, & well… he’s my Dad. 
It’s so hard to see him this way. I want my Dad back.  He is so afraid now, doesn’t want to be left alone, cries at night when we have to leave.  I cry too.
He has to be seat belted in a wheel chair, so he doesn’t fall out.  I watch him pulling at the strap trying to escape.  He says please get me out of here.  More pain, more tears. 
He doesn’t understand, his mind wanders, he thinks we don’t come for days, when we are there every day.
Time marches on, he is better, he wants out, he has to get stronger, he is getting stronger.  He can wheel himself up & down the halls now, it’s not enough for him, for me.  I want my Dad back.  :’(

[Pen]

I totally understand. It's hard to accept, isn't it? It is so sad to see someone you love go through this. Take care, Anna

[luise.volta]

The last time Val's son came to see him...he said afterward that it was so hard. I thought he meant to see Val as he is at age 99 but he said it was because he knew the time would come when he would be the one in the nursing home and his kids would be the ones having to face it. We learn that we are just passing through, Anna. That's the lesson, at least for me. Sending love...

[Nana]

Anna

This is a very sad situation.  We are used to seeing a loved one healthy and strong and it is hard to accept otherwise.  But he is a lucky man....and he is still the wonderful dad.  It is just that we has his body damaged.  His heart and love are still the same.  And may I say, a very lucky dad having a daughter like you that loves and cares for him.

Good luck Anna

Hugs

[Pooh]

It is so hard Anna, and I am so sorry.  We hate to see the people we love hurting and struggling.  You are doing a wonderful job with a tough situation and I echo what Nana said, he is very lucky to have you.  Lots of hugs.

[Faithlooksup]

Hang in there Anna~~ for as the wheel of life turns we may be where your Dad is now....Please try as hard as you can, not to focus on whom he is now and all that he is going thru at this point in time....for he would want you to remember the Dad whom he was......Enjoy your time with him, no matter what...Bring in pictures, read to him try to make it as positive as possible for you both.
 That is what I do with my Uncle....I will bring him in a big bouquet of flowers which he loves and he will look at me and say "who are you???"   I will talk with him and brush his hair--it does not matter to me anymore if he knows me~~~all that matters is that I know him....

Take care and wishing you always the Best...Faith

[luise.volta]

We are all with you, Anna. Sending love...

[Hope]

Anna,
I saw my dad deteriorate, too.  His dementia would not allow him to carry on a conversation - and he often couldn't finish a sentence.  A once very independent, strong man had to be spoon fed and diapered.  I mourned the loss of his leg more than when he actually died (it was the beginning of the end).  But you know what?  I treasure the memories of caring for him when he was an invalid.  He was in a nursing home, but I would visit for a couple hours every day and brush/floss his teeth, read to him, feed him snacks, etc.  I never felt closer to him.  I hope you find peace in knowing that you are making his life a little better - as well as giving your mom support.  You can feel good about that for the rest of your life.  I agree - you are such a good person and your parents are so blessed to have you for their daughter.
Hugs, Hope

[seasage]

Anna,

When my MIL had alzheimer's, we brought her old picture albums.  Even though she did not even know who her son was, or where she was, or what decade it was, nonetheless she could identify everyone in every picture, and we had a lot of fun talking about the old times. 

Bless you for taking care of your dad.

[Nana]

Anna

May God give you peace and acceptance. 

Love

[Anna]

Hi Pen, Louise, Nana, Pooh, Faith, Hope, & Seasage.  Thank-you all so much for your words of encouragement.  It is a long hard road to travel, but travel it we must.  My Dad is still in the rehab facility, but may be coming home.  The recommendation is that he be placed in a nursing home.  Dad wants to be where ever my Mom is.  He says he doesn't care as long as they can be together.  We are in the process of trying to alter their home to suit his needs.  The bedroom will have to be moved down to the main level, & the living room wil have to be moved upstairs to where the bedroom is now.  We've done some decluttering to make room for his wheelchair.  We are not sure that this arrangement is going to work out, tho, cause my Dad is not able to even stand unassisted.  My Mom thinks she can take care of him at home.  For the first couple of months she will have the help of two therapists for 4 hours a day, after that it is one therapist for 2 hours a day.  My siblings & I don't see how it can possibly work out, but they want to try.  We all understand & are supporting their decision.  I have been doing a lot of soul searching & know that one day it may be me or my hubby that will be in this position.  I don't think my Dad will ever be the same as he was before, but he is still Dad.  My Mom still hopes for the miracle, that when he gets home he will be better, she told him the other day that he has to walk, so he can drive again.  My Mom doesn't like to drive, (even tho she has her license & can), so we (my sisters & our spouses), have been taking her to & from the rehab center every day.  We have been doing this since Dad had is stroke on November 26th.  I am feeling totally exhausted.  Dealing with my Dad, & the situation with my new dil & ods, (still cut out of their lives).  My hubby has been wonderful as have my yds, dil, & grandchildren!!  Thanx again ladies!  (((((hugs)))))  Anna. 

[Pooh]

Well no wonder you are exhausted.  You are totally entitled to be exhausted.  I know it is very hard right now Anna, but please try to find just a little time for yourself.  Even if it's just an hour a day for you to sit somewhere quietly.  You have to remember to take care of yourself too, so you don't get sick.

HUMONGOUS Hugs Anna.

[holliberri]

Anna,

So sorry for all of this. I can't imagine the stress and exhuastion you must feel. You seem like you're handling everything  coming at you wonderfully, despite how hard it is. Hang in there.

[luise.volta]

Thinking of you Anna and sending love...

[lancaster lady]

Hello Anna

Dad's are precious aren't they ?
He knows you're there for him , his little girl , as he was there for you .
Take time out if you can and breathe .
Sending strength to help you cope ......miss my dad too .<3