Personality Crisis

[lancaster lady]

Has anybody else suffered a change in their personality since their family conflict ?

I find I am no longer the outgoing sociable person I used to be .
I am wary of what I say to people for fear of causing offence .
I no longer post on FB for the same reason .
I think twice before I say anything where as before I was quite spontaneous .
Most of the time I am quite sad  even though there has been a level of understanding with my F/DIL.
Even my friends are asking if I am OK .!

I hope this is a temporary condition , as I would like my old self back !
Have any of the WW ladies gone through this ? Or is it me being weird !!

[pam1]

Yes, I stopped laughing.

It was not good for me at all.  I didn't like myself.

[LaurieS]

I find that I'm always a little more on edge.. every time my dil calls I feel an instant dread..usually it's nothing, but I can't stop that little piece of me that knows that her and my ds's actions can take me from my world and send me into my own little black hole.

[Pen]

Yes, I spent a couple of years a very changed woman. More tears, less laughter, loss of motivation to get out and do stuff, fear of saying the wrong thing, etc. I'm starting to get back to my fun, outgoing self around friends and co-workers, but around DS & DIL I often feel tongue-tied and awkward. And it's two steps forward, one step back sometimes - out of the blue I'll hit a snag and regress. That's where I am now.

A big part of my life is gone! DS was truly a friend as well as a son. I miss our discussions, shared interests, jokes. DH is great, but he's a quiet guy who doesn't instigate debates or discussions, and DS is more like me. He's very knowledgable about his field and I used to love getting his take on stuff that was going on.

I'm not saying a DS should stay tied to his mommy forever to fulfill her needs, good golly no! My goal was always to see him fly the nest and be happy as a full-fledged adult. I'm just saying it's a shock to suddenly not have that relationship in your life. If you haven't found a way to fill that paricular void, you feel as if your life has changed drastically. No one I know wants to talk about the stuff we talked about, and no one I know has our quirky sense of humor. I miss those things a lot.

[lancaster lady]

I think you are right Pen ...I do miss my DS ,I think he feels guilty if we have a conversation on messenger ,or by text .
She has him well schooled , no private conversations ,she has this complex that everyone is discussing her ....I am always careful what things I ask him .
He's a changed man too ....seems sad like me ....I hope he's going to be happy .
That's the reason for my sadness ...I miss my son .
He moved out of the family home 12 years ago ,so it's not empty nest syndrome .

[jill]

I feel like a cloud is hanging over me, I am not too bad when I am out with friends, and try to forget the problems, but the few times I have spoken to my odd since this all started, I am almost afraid to say anything to her, in case she takes it the wrong way.  When friends talk about their families, I usually keep quiet, I think they can sense something is wrong, although nobody has said anything.

[lancaster lady]

We maybe need to invest in suits of armour , so all these bullets bounce off when fired !

I hope when all thse young people are GP's themselves ,they will think back on the treatment they
doled out ...I hope for their sake it's not a case of what goes around ,comes around .

[holliberri]

I know after my miscarriages and my parents divorce, I didn't laugh. Not for awhile. I didn't smile. I felt vacant. I am sure I didn't thank people when they did something.

But, I think personalities are resilient. I think depression was my problem. Somehow, my personality came back. (After my parent's divorce: military boot camp did th trick... After my miscarriages: FINALLY graduating college did it.)

It didn't replace the hurt, but it did replace the depression. My personality came back...I think both times it showed me it was never taken away from me.

[Julia]

LL, It does sound like depression and that is a common and very normal reaction to what you have been through.       If you bounced straight back to your "old" self  from losing your DS to this manipulative women than that would mean you didn't really care about the whole problem.  Instead you are incrediably sad.     Time will certainly help but that could be a very very long time.     12 years isn't really that long but it is well and truly time for YOU.        I hope you have tried counselling by now, and from what others have experienced you might take a while until one "clicks".      I tried many things, homeopathic, naturpathy, yoga meditation it goes on and on.    It all helped a little bit but  in my case my DS was living at home so unless I was hit with a brick ( I wasn't that is a manner  of speech)  to wake up to myself..yes me I blamed myself as we do I am sure.    Very misguided blame...anti-depressants  were what got me out of the black hole.     Combined with that I found Cognitive therapy very helpful.     They are not for everyone but saved me.     After all deppression is  because  your body can't produce enough when you are under massive stress  ( a natural substance in the brain, the feel good hormone.)      That is what i have learned and I am telling you this and I can hear all WW saying "i know that"    but I had to explain it to my DFriend  for her to finally go and  get advice from her DR.    She was suicidal so it was very important.     

Please see a Dr if you haven't already I am in no way qualified to give advice I am just relaying my experience to you.             [/uYou will find your way back to a happy fulfilling life, search until you find what "fits for you".   You will be happy and you deserve to be.     

[luise.volta]

Nov. 2009, when I fell and had an ankle break that required surgery (screws,) I tried to keep on care giving from my wheel chair. I had a complete collapse March of 2010 and that's how Val ended up in nursing. I was so tired that when I was offered respite...(where someone comes in for a few hours, so you can leave,) I said I was too tired to go anywhere or have someone come here. I was too tired to speak to anyone. So, yes...overwhelming fatigue can cause a personality change. I was defeated. I had pretended I was fine for years, and fooled everyone including myself...until all I could do was cry. I was unable to talk.

[Tara]

Luise,   very painful. 

[lancaster lady]

I hope by posting this topic it hasn't dragged up too many painful memories for the sisters of this forum .
Thankyou for your input ,it's lets me know I'm not losing my mind .
I'm not suicidal ,by no means , just a little sad is all ..
Realising I will never have the relationship I had hoped for with my GD .
Hopefully when she's older she will want to see her granny (Scots) , and have some fun !

I am sorry for your trials Luise , but shows your strength of character ,and love of life to come through
all that and still have fun .
Also to think of others and set up this forum ,you are a remarkable lady ..x

[luise.volta]

Thank you. I think we all have to learn to cut ourselves some slack when we sometimes look in the mirror and see a different "me." I started WWU on Mother's Day of 2009 about 6 months before all of that hit. When "the walls came tumbling down" in my personal life, I couldn't read the posts or monitor the site and asked for everyone to hang in. What transpired was a name-calling cat fight. That's no all that happened, of course, but it nearly brought the site down. I wasn't wise enough (or maybe well enough) to realize I needed to appoint a temporary monitor. If that ever happens again (or maybe when,) I will do my best not to abandon the site like I did last year. I "abandoned me" via care giving, without knowing it. When we do that, it's just a matter of time.

I think that what we learn in Personality Crisis is that black doesn't stay black unless we keep painting it that way...it usually starts becoming lighter and lighter shades of gray until we find ourselves again. I think we are basically Light and it can't be put out by people, places and things...for long.

[Pooh]

I have learned to look at my DS situation like I do my lupus.  It's painful at times, depressing to have, has days where I am fine and then it flares up again, don't want it and didn't do much to get it but it's not fatal.  As long as I control it and remember the things I am blessed with in my life, it is manageable and I can still have an amazing life.  But if I decide to let it get the best of me, that is my choice and then it is fatal.  But the best thing is there is always hope that someday, there may be a cure.

[luise.volta]

Profound, P. Sending love...