Your guys are fun.... thanks for the levity.
I have been reading a number of threads and am impressed at the great feedback you all offer to people. More over I have come one more step closer to “realizing”. Realizing this is just a “process”. A process that is never ending, just hopefully becomes more tolerable.
Funny, I remember telling my husband frequently that he needs to call his mom since he has not spoken to her in months (she has passed away now). Generally speaking, boys really don't have the same attachment to their parent that girls do I don't think; and besides like the old saying goes once a boy takes a wife that becomes his family. And looking at it from a wife view point that is how it should be, but looking at it from a mom's view point it must be the DIL’s fault (lol). Wow, much of this gets very convoluted, doesn't it?
Last year a very dear friend of my passed away, she knew me my entire adult life….she used to say to me, “I wonder how your sons would be if you were one of those mom's that didn't care to see them cuz you were just too busy, doing things, belonging to, traveling, etc.” I only really get that now. It is so very very hard to let go, to not be a mom to that 5 year old that is really 45. I so loved being a mom, being needed so much, being loved even with my faults, being forgiven maybe when I did not deserve it, and just feeling so proud “they” were my sons. I remember once just shortly before my Mother in law passed away, she greeted my husband in a way I never saw before; she had this deep tender need and gave him such a loving touch…. At the time I almost was jealous, and definitely scared. Somehow I understand the jealousy, she did not have that same feeling for me, even after 40 years of marriage, but the scared feeling I did not “get”…… I do now: He was more my husband than he was her son.
Sometimes when our children reject us (and that can be as little as not calling for a month or as big as not visiting for 5 years) and we really don't see why they are doing that, we might try and remember that they too are trying to let go. And doing it in “their” way. None of this makes it any easier for sure……..it still is a process that I just know never ends. The goal I guess should be to get what we can and not ask or expect more. I know I feel really hurt and depressed when someone expects more from me than I gave.
