In the beginning I sat and thought about the "Whys" so much. I would sit and go, "You know, I almost wished I had beat him or something. At least then I would understand this and be able to have a "reason" for this." That sounds awful now, and I would never had beat him, but it sounded good at the time. It wasn't until I accepted that I had not done anything major to cause it, that it became easier to deal with. We all make mistakes as parents. A quiet, sensitive child we tend to overprotect. So they get to grow up and say they were "smothered". And independent, strong-willed child, we let have more freedom, so they grow up to say "we didn't love them enough". I think when I became a parent, I said, "I will do this and this, and that and that, because my parents didn't". Funny now, because I had a great childhood and excellent parents, but yet I can still tell you what I was lacking. So if that stands to reason, then it would make sense that our children think we were lacking at something. I think the difference is personal responsibility. When bad things happened to me as a young adult, I didn't think it was my parents fault. I either did something to cause it or it was just how life was. If things were not going how I planned, I had to change my plan. I have a DS and a stepdaughter that both make excuses for everything in their life. There is always someone or something to blame. The YS that I have a great relationship with, takes responsibility for his life.
How do you have a good relationship with kids like that? You don't. You have to wait for them to grow up hopefully or you realize that nothing you ever do is going to change them. You let them know you love them, and that the communication door is always open but that you will not take responsibility for their lives any longer. I gave them a life for the first 20 years, the next 80 are theirs to figure out.
