Heartbreak

[Pen]

LOL, we managed to avoid lice, amazingly.

I happened to tune into "Infested!" the other night - OMG, now my skin is crawling and I'm freakin' out. Do not watch that show.

Back to the topic of Heartbreak regarding GC safety, I'm pretty certain DIL will be monitoring my home very closely when she's ready to have kids. We live 'way out yonder and do occasionally have critter/pest issues she's not used to. I'm not expecting to see GC often

[holliberri]

Pen,

Don't despair just yet, I still think you've got a positive thing going.  BTW, you live out yonder...much less likely to get bed bugs, lice, and a whole host of other things that like to live in the more populated areas.

We're all bound to have one infestation or another in our lifetime; I hope DD doesn't make a big deal out.

[cremebrulee]

I heard today that a Grandmother was looking after her Grandchild while the parents were away.
The child a 16month old toddler drowned in a murky pool.
How does a person get over something like this?? How will it affect the family relationships?
Why did this child have access to the pool area?

Becoming a Grandmother scares me.
When I was about 18 I told my mother "I dont think I should have children"I knew I would worry too much. I just loved children too much
I think I should have listened to my instincts and made my career amoung other peoples children

Fortunately my 3 sons turned out good guys with good careers and survived my neurosis.

This feeling I have of not wanting to get too emotionally involved with Grandchildren to spare myself the worry must be abnormal judging by the besotted ladies on this site.

No, not at all, actually, can you imagine, if you are sitting there 8 months pregnant, and you hear or read this story?  This is the very reason, why young mothers are overly protective.  I was....I work with a  32 year old man, who just had they're first child, they refuse to let the child sleep in his own room, b/c they are afraid....and I can't blame them...but a lot of times, Grand mamas, take offense when a DIL won't allow them to take her kids all over the place, they take it personal, or like DIL is saying, I dont' trust you and she's not...she is just being over protective, I was of my son, and my DIL was of her daughter, and yes, it hurt, b/c I couldn't take my GD around but I learned to be happy with what I had and not obessess about what I didn't have....I seized the moments....

I've told this story before, and it's so sad, I had a friend, she's gone now, but she had two children....right after the baby was born, say only a few months, she put the baby in the car seat in the back, she went around the corner, the car seat was faulty, the baby fell out and she ran over him.....

How she lived with that, I mean what were the chances of that happening?  Yet it happened, and young mother's hear these stories and it scares them to death....it's not that they don't trust us, it's the fear of something unavoidable happening....b/c they were not there to protect they're child.  And anything can happen, at any time, however, I know the fear they have and realize it b/c I was there...It wasn't anything against my mother in law...but I feared her getting in an accident, while taking my son somewhere....it's not about distrust, it's about the knowlege that horrible things happen and are accidents....and they don't want to chance it....so try and be prepared for her boundaries, and as unreasonable as they may sound to you, respect them, understand her position, and you'll be a much happier Grand mama

Hugs
Creme

[Pooh]

This feeling I have of not wanting to get too emotionally involved with Grandchildren to spare myself the worry must be abnormal judging by the besotted ladies on this site.

I don't see anything abnormal about your feelings.  That's what makes us different individuals.  I know people that don't have children because they frankly don't like them.  I know people that have 5, 6, 7 children because they love them.  Does that make any of them abnormal?  Nope, just different.  Nothing wrong with different.

[Faithlooksup]

Creme, I have to ask...how did the baby fall out of the car if the door was closed??  That is just horrible.....

[seasage]

This feeling I have of not wanting to get too emotionally involved with Grandchildren to spare myself the worry must be abnormal judging by the besotted ladies on this site.

I admit that I don't want grandchildren, and it's not that I worry about becoming emotionally involved.  I have much better things to do than change diapers.  I have never been besotted by other people's children, and I don't expect that to change.

There, I've said it.  Call me Grinch.

[cremebrulee]

Creme, I have to ask...how did the baby fall out of the car if the door was closed??  That is just horrible.....

Faith, I do not know...honestly a freak accident...and the baby was in a car seat....to boot...??  All I know, is everytime I saw her, my heart sank and wondered how she got thru life....honestly....I didn't know her when it happened, only afterwards, and for years...and she worked, worked, worked....all the time....guess she had to....but my heart always went out to her....horrible.....

[LaurieS]

This feeling I have of not wanting to get too emotionally involved with Grandchildren to spare myself the worry must be abnormal judging by the besotted ladies on this site.

I admit that I don't want grandchildren, and it's not that I worry about becoming emotionally involved.  I have much better things to do than change diapers.  I have never been besotted by other people's children, and I don't expect that to change.

There, I've said it.  Call me Grinch.

Naw doesn't make you a Grinch either you won't even earn the title of Grumpy Grandma.   Like I said my parents had better things to do then to interact with their grandkids and as a mother I accepted it.  I rather have honest then to see someone force themselves to live outside their comfort zone.

Whatever your reasons are Catching up.. are your reasons or your limitations.  When dealing with the lives and especially the responsibilities of children, no one would want you to be anything less then honest about your limitations.... if you aren't comfortable, you simply aren't. 

I would highly advise Catching up, that you are very bluntly honest about your feelings.. people have a way of pushing their kids, dogs, rats (in my case), or nasty food on you while saying.. look give yourself sometime, you'll learn to love it.

[luise.volta]

Me, too...Seasage. I was a grandmother at 42 and when I felt I was just starting to live. I love my grandsons...one is a very successful defense attorney and the other is the Art Director for a huge computer game company...but I had no desire to be a part of their upbringing except as an occasional observer. For some reason, they don't care and love me, anyhow. My great grands are in late high school and early college...and we have the same thing going.

I think people who love all babies and kids and are bonkers over their grand kids are wonderful. I'm just cut out of a different piece of cloth. It's a "been there, done that" thing for me that few understand.

[catchingup]

That is correct!! " Been there done that "and if my kids think "I know nothing" how will my GC refer to me.

Talking about falling off bicycles and broken bones. My son fell off a new bicycle he was given as a Christmas gift and needed stitches. Only when the doctor lifted him up onto the couch did he crinch in pain as he had broken his collar bone.
Nevertheless, when he saw the needle that was going to be used to stitch his wound and crinched again I said to him " Dont worry DR.... has had sewing lessons"
I could see my doctor was not amused. The things we say and wish we could take back or have the floor open under us.

[luise.volta]

Perfect! 

[cremebrulee]

Catching, my feelings on the subject is....
This is YOUR life, Your time....so you have a right to live it any way you choose, and your feelings on any subject are important, b/c that is what defines you and how you want to live your life....don't ever feel badly for not living up to the expectations of others, b/c people who do that, set themselves and everyone else up to fail....

Beeeee Happy!  Embrace yourself....cuz your very signficant in the whole big picture.....

Hugs

[holliberri]

Me, too...Seasage. I was a grandmother at 42 and when I felt I was just starting to live. I love my grandsons...one is a very successful defense attorney and the other is the Art Director for a huge computer game company...but I had no desire to be a part of their upbringing except as an occasional observer. For some reason, they don't care and love me, anyhow. My great grands are in late high school and early college...and we have the same thing going.

I think people who love all babies and kids and are bonkers over their grand kids are wonderful. I'm just cut out of a different piece of cloth. It's a "been there, done that" thing for me that few understand.

Luise,

I already know that is how I'm going to be. I just was never into kids to begin with, just my own. My dad says it all the time when he sees my DD, "She'll just never be as good as you were." I guess that's where I get it from.  I understand what he means completely; lightning doesn't strike twice. I know he loves his GD, but he was a once and done kind of guy.  I think that is why I get so possessive of GD's time; after this, it's over for me. I'll spectate, but nothing more than that.

I know people get horrified when I say wasn't any less happy before DD was here, but it's true. I would've managed to find life just as fulfilling without kids. Same happy life, just a different kind of happy life. Motherhood will give me my best and worst experiences; if I wasn't a mother, something else would give me my best and worst experiences.

[luise.volta]

I know that motherhood gave me one gift it would have been hard to get anywhere else...although I wouldn't have known if I had missed it, probably. I learned to put others first. When there is a sick baby and you are sleep- deprived and then get sick yourself...you don't get to say, "I pass." You get up and do the impossible. Kirk hovered between life and death for his first four months. Unable to tolerate my milk or any formula. Stanford Lane hospital couldn't find the cause or a treatment...nothing worked. I kept him alive with Gerber's bananas and by never putting him down because he was always in pain and would tough it out if he wasn't alone. He was too weak to cry and live through it.

The down side, is to learn where to draw the line regarding putting others first. Big lessons there. Sending love...