I honestly wasn't trying to cause a problem. I was trying to understand. I thought if I actually presented an alternative view from someone else we could talk about it. Yes, the tone was very different from posts usually on here. Perhaps I should have picked better or not at all.
Now, in fact, I'm getting more confused. I just don't see why a birth experience has to include other people. Why other people think they have the right to be there unless invited. Why their feelings would be hurt if they weren't included. Why has birth become a spectator sport that others think they have a right to? How is keeping a moment private being cruel? I really, REALLY don't get it. But, that's okay. I don't think I"m going to get it.
Being present at the birth, is still fairly new to an older generation -- my first husband wasn't even allowed near the delivery of our son! My present husband was allowed in for our dd's - but no others at that time.
Would I have allowed my parents and his parents? Knowing me, NO! I would flatly say NO. I would NOT even allow dh to take pix of the blessed event. I certainly wouldn't want my mom/dad/mil/fil in there, too. My private parts are going to remain that way. Seen only by my dh and possibly medical staff at some point.
I also feel it is the mom-to-be's prerogative to state her wishes. If she feels most comfortable with just the husband...so be it. Husband and her mom? So be it. What YOU-general YOU- feel is best for YOU is what your decision should be! The birth experience is AN INDIVIDUAL event - not a TO BE SHARED BY ALL, imho. (Or there would be public viewing windows in L/D rooms, right?) Same with weddings, too, sometimes. Couples want to keep it small and intimate while ils want a big grand event. This isn't their-parents-siblings-etc., life to live. They had theirs.
This is where I feel many couples move away just to truly get away from the "aren't you going to....?"s. Sometimes, it's best to just listen to another before putting the demands into the mix - along with guilt if those demands aren't met. I personally have given in to another wants/needs, put mine aside to only have it be wrong anyway for the person I caved for! You won't win. Do it for yourself is my mantra.
Don't give in to please others. Do it because YOU wish it. Or you may end up regretting caving in to another. Having family excited about the new member is one thing, putting demands on another person to suit themselves is selfish. Hang in there. Either way, you can't please everybody.