I'm very hopeful now

[Pen]

Hi everyone. DH & I spent the day with DS while DIL was out of town. It was so much fun to just hang out without the stress of holiday entertaining and expectations. We were able to relax, talk & reconnect while doing activities we enjoyed. DS seemed glad to spend time with us; he wasn't texting nonstop & didn't act like he couldn't wait to get away (I hate that.)

DIL has been more accepting and less critical of us, DS seems to have figured out how to maneuver between two very different families, and DH & I have found our center again instead of worrying about what DIL's FOO thinks of us. DS seems relieved that we aren't feeling as tense now. I am hopeful that DIL feels less tension around us, too.

My task now is to continue doing my relaxation exercises and to avoid letting my insecurities get the best of me. Although I'm not letting my guard down completely or under the illusion that everything from here on will be unicorns and rainbows, I'm feeling more positive about the future with DIL & DS.

I feel as if a giant weight has been lifted - what the heck was I carrying it around for in the first place? No one placed it on my shoulders, I took it up of my own free will. Time to let it go!

[LaurieS]

Hey Pen.. glad to hear you're feeling better about EVERYTHING.  Your visit with your son sounded fantastic.  I can remember the last time we did go to my son's house, we had all 3 of our kids at the table.. my dil had gone off to some event (not uncommon when we are there) and I made spaghetti for dinner, this always turned into our meal of arguments.. slurp vs not slurping, cutting vs twirling.  We all sat down at the table and while I would have preferred that dil was there, it was wonderful and very selfish of us all to bask in a moment that took us back in time.  My heart breaks realizing that life is flying past us, so I'm thrilled that you had a special moment. 

The weight that you speak of, I feel that others help to thrust it onto our shoulders but yes it is up to us to decide if we are going to carry it.  I hope your holidays continue to bring special surprises and delights. 

[luise.volta]

Progress! Bless your heart. Regarding the weight you were carrying, it reminds me of a saying..."You only have one enemy and she's wearing your shoes." Sending love...

[Pooh]

Great news Pen!  So happy for you!

[Barbie]

What fantastic news! Crossing my fingers! Hope you have a wonderful holiday!                                           

[jill]

Hi Pen,
So glad you had a wonderful visit with your son.  Maybe it is a new beginning.  It's a wonderful feeling to have a weight lifted from your shoulders.  Your post was inspirational.
Love..Jill

[SunnyDays09]

Wonderful news, Pen!  I am so happy for you and hope things just keep getting better. 

[Pen]

Thank you all, your good wishes make this even better! It feels great to be less anxious and more loving

I know DS was available only because DIL was out of town, but that doesn't bother me now like it used to. I'm grateful for what I get. I don't want bitterness or hurt to cloud the little time we have together or become the thing he remembers most about me.

Isn't it amazing how little effort it takes on the part of our DSs to make us really ecstatic? If they only knew, LOL.

I'm hoping the more DIL can see that I'm not overbearing or demanding or whiny or manipulative or bossy the better able she will be to trust that I love my family, including DIL, w/o any expectations other than mutual respect and civility....if love and kindness can come from that foundation, that's a bonus.

[cremebrulee]

Oh Pen, what a gift....it's so nice to read your good news....makes the bestest Christmas Present ever...I hope you and DIL continue to grow in your relationship....big hugs...

[SunnyDays09]

Isn't it amazing how little effort it takes on the part of our DSs to make us really ecstatic? If they only knew, LOL.

No truer words...

[Pen]

I accidently called DIL recently while trying to find out who was trying to call me. New phone, hit the wrong icon (d-uh.) Here's the success story part - she was warm, friendly and wanted to chat a bit! She even brought up making plans for a future event! And here I'd been putting off calling or texting either DIL or DS 'cos I was afraid they'd think I was bugging them.

Miracles can happen.

[luise.volta]

Yup, that was no accident!! 

[cremebrulee]

Whoa...Congratulations Pen....whoooo hoooo

It's always when you least expect it, and always when you stop obsessing about it or stop allowing it to make you crazy, that is usually when things change around...beleive it or not, I had a dear friend tell me, and this may sound strange, but when you going thru this and thinking about it all the time, obsessing and replaying it over and over in your mind, your sending out negative impulses....and when you stop, it stops....b/c they realize, somehow, don't ask me how, that your not obsessing about it anymore? 

And it's so true...it's when you least expect it...also, she told me to everyday, tell them, silently, I love you DIL, I love you son, and I did that, and it worked...it helped me send out more positive energy....

I believe it

[Hope]

Pen - I just read this thread for the first time and I am so happy for you!  It sounds like something changed your ds/dil's hearts.  You deserve all the love they have to offer!  I was very interested in what Creme said, too - there's really something about those vibes.  I have to work hard on that.
Hugs, Hope

[Pen]

Thanks, everyone. I do think you're right about the vibes, Creme. No harm done in sending out positive thoughts. It sure feels better to the sender, even if the recipient doesn't respond in kind immediately.