Nice time with DIL and son

[AnnieB]

I had a nice time yesterday with my 2nd son and his DIL, who I really like.  But since this thing with DIL#1 I've become increasingly .... sensitive = paranoid about not wanting to ruin things with the 2nd DIL and son.    And yes, I prefer DIL #2 we have a lot in common in politics, music, clothing, child-rearing, social issues etc.  And she clearly loves my son    

Anywhoooo.... I hadn't seen them since helping them move right before The Incident with DIL #1 (July 11th, not that it's an important date in my mind, lol) and I had just decided to stay back.   Canceled an invite my son gave me to a night out with them when I read her Facebook comment saying she was looking forward to a dinner with her hubby.   She's given me grief about canceling, but not in a bad way.   

We had a nice afternoon yesterday the three of us, had lunch out and then did some shopping in the artsy town I live in ... I'm still much more aware than I was before that I am a MIL, not a friend...  I always thought of myself more as his mother and a friend of their family rather than a MIL    

She's the DIL from heaven -- at her son's recent birthday along with several screaming and yelling little boys she had her ex's father (who is estranged from her ex) and her ex's ex wife (there is another child), her parents (of course) and me.  So that was another Success I could have written about.

I need to be careful of being overly sensitive because I write things in where they are not over fear of doing something wrong.   

The success in this case comes from a DIL who sees the big picture and makes an effort to be inclusive.  And, like I said, she loves my son and shows it (even when they are jokingly digging at each other, it's done with love and affection).   

I am so blessed with the union of these two!  Their first anniversary is coming up soon!  I hope their love lasts forever! (am I gushing?)

 

[just2baccepted]

Very, Very happy for you.  Enjoy every minute of it! 

[luise.volta]

What a success story! Congratulations! That's the other side of the coin, for sure! 

[2chickiebaby]

Dear Annieb,
I wrote you a long letter about your time with your DIL and darn! the lights went out.  We had an electrical storm here and I lost my words to you.

It was really good too. 

[Alicev]

Wonderful news! Keep it up! It makes you feel good to focus on the positive and the things that do go right. I am very happy for you.

[2chickiebaby]

Annieb,
I'm so glad you had a nice time with your DIL.  I was wondering how many of them you have?  They're all different, just as we all are (notice how positive I'm being? )

Are you dreading the holidays?  I'm so dreading them...I used to love them.  They are not Norman Rockwellish.  I guess no one's is.  But I grew up with something like a Norman Rockwell painting, it was the most disfunctional, yet hilarious nightmare you can imagine. 

I wish I could tell all about Christmas past but I'm so scared of someone recognizing me that I dare not.  (I can't imagine anyone recognizing me but you do know how close we are to Kevin Bacon....6 degrees.  YIKES!  (I'm talking about 6 degrees of separation...please note: I am not close to or kin to Kevin Bacon.)

I had all the characters. All of them...the nutcase great uncle whose wife went crazy in a donut factory and started squirting jelly filling all over the place.  I guess she wore out from her job; I don't know.  She never said a single word, just sat in a chair and stared into space.

Then, there was the aunt who brought the stuffing every year.  You could put your fork in it and never be able to get it out.  Hard as a brick bat. 

The uncle always wore his gun holsters.  He had shot a hole in the water main years before and just about ruined the entire city.  He was a deputy sheriff.

We had one, very, very "what would Emily Post do?" in charge.  I won't name her but what made it so funny was that the chaos that surrounded her fabulous, well put together Christmas was a study in contrasts.  Let me leave it at that.

[cremebrulee]

Very happy news..congratulations...yanno, just to analyze....
and perhaps open for discussion...

in my case, I threw myself right in...my DIL was very insecure...quiet...I thought she was shy?  But was so excited to have her join our family...I'm not saying we all did this...because, I do know from counseling, that she was so intimidated by me and she did this for several reasons, not one, which is human nature...but...when you said, you laid back and left them contact you...that was wise...and a good thing to do...you allowed them quality time and to make they're own decissions rather then to force yourself on them.  yanno. 

good move....!!!!!  And thanks for sharing....

a small word of advice if I may...never, ever talk about your other DIL to her...b/c if you do, she will always wonder if you are talking about her when she is not around. 

Hugs
Creme

[just2baccepted]

Very happy news..congratulations...yanno, just to analyze....
and perhaps open for discussion...

in my case, I threw myself right in...my DIL was very insecure...quiet...I thought she was shy?  But was so excited to have her join our family...I'm not saying we all did this...because, I do know from counseling, that she was so intimidated by me and she did this for several reasons, not one, which is human nature...but...when you said, you laid back and left them contact you...that was wise...and a good thing to do...you allowed them quality time and to make they're own decisions rather then to force yourself on them.  yanno. 

good move....!!!!!  And thanks for sharing....

a small word of advice if I may...never, ever talk about your other DIL to her...b/c if you do, she will always wonder if you are talking about her when she is not around. 

Hugs
Creme

Oh Creme you sound so wise.  I know that's what my mom does, she lets us come to her for the most part.  But she also drops hints too but at least she's not demanding.  And that last part that you said about not talking about the other DIL b/c then she will wonder if you talk about her to.  So wise, oh so wise!  My MIL could have kept on abusing me behind my back and I would have never known if she didn't air her own daughter's inadequacies to me at almost every visit for the last six years.  She would go on and on about daughter not working enough, her financial problems, her sex life.  Personal detailed information that I'm SIL would not want us knowing. In the back of my mind I kept thinking, "do I measure up to MIL's expectations?"  "I mean she's always nice to me face, I wonder if she's doing this to me?"  Sure enough after I flat out asked DH he said yes and then I asked him to ask SIL if MIL talks bad about and again the answer was yes.  It was devastating, I thought she liked me.  To this day she is still sugary sweet to my face.  What a fake two-faced  liar she is.

What makes me so angry is that MIL never talks about me directly(to DH that is).  She talks about "people" that do such and such, which are things she doesn't approve of and then talk about how stupid these "people" are.  DH said he can't confront her b/c she never says my name.  And that's why I can't seem to let go of my anger b/c DH will not stand up for me.  He's willing to limit contact with them but sometimes it feels like he just wants to sweep it under the rug and make me feel like I'm imagining it and get over so we can go back to our fake happy imaginary family.  Sorry I'm having a bad day.

[2chickiebaby]

Oh, I wish your DH hadn't told you she talked about you!!!  I really do....