The Latest

[Prissy]

We took pictures at the event we went to this weekend.  Since the DIL does not answer emails, I sent the pictures to her on her personal email and told her that we wanted to be sure she got them and to let us know if she did.

This was her reply: 'got em, thanks'.

Why do I keep waiting for some measure of something from her?  I keep going back to the trough (troff), you know, where cows to to eat???   There's just nothing there, nothing.

I just can't stand her.  I have tried everything I can with her, short of standing on my eyelash but nothing works.  I can't find a soft place in her...it seems like periodically she will show a "bossy, care about you" kind of thing where she'll point out a potential medical problem she might think you have.  If she can't boss you around, she's not happy.  I realize this is a problem with insecurity.  Join the crowd!!

She expects Christmas gifts for the kids, which of course we're going to give but there is never anything for us.  I know I shouldn't expect anything, giving is most important at that time but not to give your Mom and Dad a Christmas present?  I know that must have been hard for son to get over because he was so generous early on.

She has him convinced we don't love him. A Mom and Dad can tell....we do but we don't know this guy.  So even when you think you've hardened your heart, you really haven't.  I hate to see him anymore.  It's too hard.

I've got to find some way to live through this. Seeing him only brings up past things.  Seeing him only makes me see the influence she's had on my him.  He's still so kind and a great dad.  They seem to fawn all over their Dad but not me.  I think I've allowed myself to be the fall guy, the jokester.  I'll take any abuse and she knows it.

Who invented DIL's?    I want the patent revoked. 

[luise.volta]

Well, P., certainly the patent on that kind of DIL should be burned and scattered at sea!
(And I won't even go to the memorial service!)

There doesn't seem to be any way out of the pain. If you close the door it will kill you and if you leave it open you will bleed to death. I never come up with anything new...refocus...and that's old. Expand your interests; take up belly dancing with a fly on the end of a pin.  Something!

Self-love will triumph. It *will*! It's real and internal where rejection is delusional and external. L.

[Alicev]

Prissy -

what was the response you would have wanted to get? (about getting the pics)

A.

[Prissy]

Like a normal, human with feelings might do...."thank you for sending the pictures. I really enjoyed them".  Something like that.

I was raised in a family where I was taught social graces and I guess she was not.  So, I'll give her that due to her fruitcake parents.

I wanted to say more about the nuts but I just don't want to do that to them. :'(

[Alicev]

Aww! If there was an emoticon of caress - I would put it here for you. I think what you said about the response is fair and reasonable. In no way I however think her response is your fault. It came out of her, it is part of her, it belongs with her, it says more of her than you.
It is the inevitable theme of life that all we can do is our part, the rest we just have to let go. But doesn't it feel good to know that you have done the right thing, despite whatever the reaction of the other party?

[Prissy]

Should I say, "yes?"  I don't mean it, Alicev.  I'll try to get there but I don't mean it.

I've had to go through too much in my life to have this piled on me.  She's cruel.  I've had too much cruelty. 

[Alicev]

No Prissy, you don't have to say yes. It's ok. There are lots of obstacles that can stop us from doing what we want. They are all in our heads, our minds though.

[Prissy]

I'm not sure what you mean.  In fact I'm positive I don't know what you mean?

[Alicev]

I mean that everything starts from our thinking. How we think about things. The things we need to overcome lie inside of us. In our heads. Fears, expectations, etc all exist within us. These things can become an obstacle in our way to get what we want.

[Prissy]

Okay........thank you.

[luise.volta]

Well, your DIL could have said "Got 'em" without the "Thanks." She's one-up, there! I know..I know...poor attempt at humor. 

I have trouble with that kind of thing, too. I feel like I sometimes have a script and if others would just follow it, we'd be fine. One of my short suits is often thinking the way I see something is the way it is. Alice has pointed out that it's often perceptual.

It seems like you never expect your DIL to be how she is. Then you're always disappointed that she didn't meet your expectations. That brings more hurt and anger.

Everything you say about he paints a picture that is very graphic and predictable. She's not what you want. She's not what you need. She doesn't fit. Your son picked her and he's changed radically under her influence. He's taken his life someplace that makes no sense to you, and he is lost to you in many ways. He may have wanted a controlling person but they all don't act like she does. Some bossy people are quite lovable. Me, for instance...(another weak attempt at humor.)

There must be some way for you to move past being so churned up about it all the time. He did what he did and she is how she is. Constantly experiencing grief and rage over it has got to be bad for you and yours.

I want to be your Fairy Godmother and I want to "Ping" you with my magic wand!

[Prissy]

I need a Fairy Godmother.  Thank you, Luise...I will think about all this. I am constantly caught off guard with her. I shouldn't be.

[SunnyDays09]

could use a ping here myself!!!

[luise.volta]

Urggff! Where did I put that Magic Wand? I'm getting so forgetful!!!

Oh, there it is!! PING!!!   PING!!!

[Prissy]

I need many pings. Mucho pingo.