small breakthrough!

[erma]

hellooooooo! and good morning!
i just wanted to share my small moment in time with you all, and thank every one of you! its because of your sharing your experiences with me that i believe we had a small breakthrough last nite!!   
we had our first family dinner together in a year! and DIL came! just us, my kids, my DIL and DS, and my gc!  we all met at a restaurant, we all laughed and talked and had a enjoyed a nice meal. it was a bit awkward, dil was a bit standoffish, but not what she has been it the past. she even brought a small gift from gc to us ,for us, and my other kids. (theyer grown adults, i shouldn't call them kids  ) but it was nice. last week i had the joyous day at the zoo with my gc, and this week we had a sunday family day meal together! so here's to you DIL's, and MIL's, i really appreciate your sharing, allowing me to vent when i need too, and for holding me up when im down, and especially giving me another completely different view, because in reality, we should all try on a different pair of shoes once in a while. i hope to continue down this road with ds and dil, ds gave us this year, a choice of 1 of the holidays!! so, now i need to get some help with a gift for them!!???

[luise.volta]

What heart-warming progress! Good for you!

I don't have any gift-giving ideas for you to consider. I can't even think of any for me to consider!  Sending love..

[Pooh]

Great news Erma!  So proud for you and of you!

[pam1]

That's great!

[Nana]

So happy for you Erma....

Wishing you the best
Love

[cremebrulee]

hellooooooo! and good morning!
i just wanted to share my small moment in time with you all, and thank every one of you! its because of your sharing your experiences with me that i believe we had a small breakthrough last nite!!   
we had our first family dinner together in a year! and DIL came! just us, my kids, my DIL and DS, and my gc!  we all met at a restaurant, we all laughed and talked and had a enjoyed a nice meal. it was a bit awkward, dil was a bit standoffish, but not what she has been it the past. she even brought a small gift from gc to us ,for us, and my other kids. (theyer grown adults, i shouldn't call them kids  ) but it was nice. last week i had the joyous day at the zoo with my gc, and this week we had a sunday family day meal together! so here's to you DIL's, and MIL's, i really appreciate your sharing, allowing me to vent when i need too, and for holding me up when im down, and especially giving me another completely different view, because in reality, we should all try on a different pair of shoes once in a while. i hope to continue down this road with ds and dil, ds gave us this year, a choice of 1 of the holidays!! so, now i need to get some help with a gift for them!!???

Erma, this is wonderful news....I'm so happy for you....try and remember to build on this happiness, and if something else should happen, and it will, recondition yourself not to hold onto the negative, but if you can, replay this moment and the many more to come, in your mind...hold onto it and be confident, that even though Dil was a little standoffish....some people tread lightly due to fear of them hurting feelings or they're feelings being hurt..

One prime example is, how sometimes I have misunderstood another post...fear of hurting feelings when it wasn't intended...we're all different, we all hurt differently, some of us are more sensitive then others...

Erma, I'm hugging you and hoping that this continues to grow (of course, there will be ups and down due to expectations, personal desires and wanting our dreams fulfilled)....

relationships take time and patience to rebuild themselves....be happy and confident in this breakthrough, (it sounds wonderful!) and above all, allow it to rebuild your own personal growth....I don't know, perhaps I'm wrong, but for me, this was a great awakening and hugely insturmental in my own personal growth which continues...a constant work in progress...and want to thank "you" for being part of that...


Hugs
Creme

[erma]

thank you ladies, all of you!    i am taking this one day at a time, treading lightly as they say, baby steps, i don't want to overwhelm! although inside,  i just wanna scope em up and hug, hug, hug!   but those days are over, so on with the construction, slowly, cautiously, as i am rebuilding myself too. i WILL come out the other side of this, a new person. cream your so right, im a constant work in progress, so i will be patient, with myself and others, god's not done with me yet! 
yes, i am a very sensitive person, i had such thick skin when i was young. it was a survival mode. but as the years pass, i peel each layer away, like an onion.  sometimes way too sensitive, so i can imagine how my DIL feels at times.  but i can only change myself. so on with the construction! 

[Rose]

Erma you mentioned about gifts.  I was thinking about the gifts that mean the most to me.  Some ideas: 1) family recipes, not many of them but maybe one or two of your DS's favorites.  Two many will say that she can't cook but a couple could mean you wanted to share the family secret recipe therefore giving the feeling of her being accepted into the family.  2) Pictures of DS when he was young in a photo album.  You don't have to part with them just make some copies.  Nothing embarrassing just a few from different special occasions as he grew older.  To let her see what he looked like growing up if you have any with DIL in them include them too especially a wedding photo or a picture of them with GS.  3) A family item, some might call it an heirloom.  Did DS have a favorite Christmas ornament?  Something he cared for as a child?  Did Grandma leave you a box of costume jewelry that you could part with a piece?  Did Grandma collect something that you could part with one?  Share a piece of your family.  It doesn't have to be worth much just something passed from generation to generation.  A quilt something, anything of that type of family item.  I have the pan that my M used to make popcorn in when I was a child.  LOL, my GM's mashed potato bowl from our family dinners.  DH's Aunts famous pie recipe.  A piece of DH's GM's costume jewelry and a mason jar.  DH has his GF's necktie. 
 
I hope maybe this will help you think of something in your family.
 
Rose

[Hope]

Erma,
It's so good to hear your news!     I'm very happy for you.  Cherish this memory.  You are a wise woman to take baby steps and to realize that there will be ups and downs.  You are definitely doing something right to have made this break through!  Keep it up!  I am  proud of you!!!   
Hugs, Hope

[erma]

thanks again ladies! oh how i wish i had something to hand down from "grandma"!   the idea of pictures is great though! the recipe thing wouldn't work for me, she absolutely would interpret the wrong way, but i like the picture idea! think I'm gonna go that route!
had another small beakthrough yesterday. my DIL called me!!!! she wanted to know if i wanted to meet up with her and ds to shop for my dd Christmas present! WOW!!!!  i am upset i couldn't go, i had other plans, AND i didn't break my plans for the first time! usually, i would drop what ever I'm doing and go to their side for what ever reason. not yesterday!! i was a weird feeling. i hope they didn't take it the wrong way. i said, thank you for thinking of me, i would love to go, but i have other plans already.  they sounded kinda shocked really. so I'm really hoping they aren't mad, and misinterpret it. i really did have plans with dh for dinner and out with friends.
still felt weird to do something for me though. i always have put my children first. so this is kinda weird. good but weird.   

[luise.volta]

You are practicing self-love. Good for you! Sometimes others value those who value themselves. Of course it felt weird. It's a new and powerful stance. 

[Barbie]

Erma,
That is really good news and I hope things continue to improve. I'm very happy for you.
Hugs.

[Julia]

erma,  Saying no is so hard but doesn't it feel great!!!

[LaurieS]

i hope they didn't take it the wrong way. i said, thank you for thinking of me, i would love to go, but i have other plans already.  they sounded kinda shocked really. so I'm really hoping they aren't mad, and misinterpret it.

Hopefully they will come to understand that while you love them you aren't  sitting home pining away the hours waiting for them to call.. I'll  bet next time they will ask a couple of days in advance because after all .. you're a busy woman on the go.

[Pen]

I agree - you've got your own life and aren't waiting around for them to call. Good for you!